


Our Weird Aunt Jane

by forthosebelow



Series: Dear Daddy Coulson [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Avengers Family, Blow Job, Daddy Kink, Disney Movies, M/M, Multi, Spanking, phil is the best daddy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-26
Updated: 2014-02-27
Packaged: 2018-01-02 17:38:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1059659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forthosebelow/pseuds/forthosebelow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The avengers and other people (Coulson and Darcy) have this family they made for themselves with Phil as their daddy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Taco Night

Tony is the oldest, at maybe fourteen or so, petulant, needy and terrified of growing up, wishing he could still be daddy’s little boy. Steve doesn’t really have a set age, younger than Tony but older than the rest, always trying to be the leader his big brother isn’t. Natasha is nine-ish, quiet and doesn’t really require a lot, she tries to help Steve clean up all the messes. Darcy is younger, and is Sissy’s and Steve’s little princess and is absolutely spoiled by them. Clint is about five or six and demands tons of attention, he likes be heard and petted, and gets jealous easily when people do not pay attention to him. Bruce is the baby of the family, just a toddler, all cuddles and stickers and messy/curly hair.

Phil just adores them all. Wishes their family could always be like this. Wishes he got to be there Daddy longer. Everything had just sort of fallen into place one day, everyone realizing that this, whatever you wanted to call this, was something they wanted, something that worked. It was not just sexual, even though that was a part of it, it was something bigger that no one even tried to put a finger on. For Bruce, it was soft voices and snuggles and no threat of violence. For Clint it was a home, someplace warm and safe with big brothers that loved him. For Darcy it was feeling for the first time in her life that she really belonged. It was harder to explain for Natasha why this worked for her, she was cared for and not pushed or prodded, not forced be something she didn’t want to be. For Steve he had a family of his own, that was all for him, that wasn’t going anywhere. For Tony it was acceptance, a loving father, someone who appreciated him and was proud of him. And finally for Phil it was taking care of the people he loved, would do anything for.

Tasha is beside him in the kitchen, helping him prepare dinner. It was Taco Night, Steve’s favorite. Under the table sat Bruce, a Transformer activity book and crayons to keep him company, actually at the table was Steve and Darcy, he was helping her with some “homework” (technically the field report from the latest mission). Clint was sitting with his nose in the corner because “Daddy was mean! It didn’t hurt him!” or because he had purposely broken several of Bruce’s crayons. Phil had no idea where Tony had run off to, probably the lab. “Jarvis, will you please tell Tony that supper is on the table,” Phil requested of “the man that lived in the ceiling” as Darcy called the AI. Eventually all the fixings were all on the table with few mishaps, Natasha had cut her finger with a knife but it had been healed with a kiss from Daddy and a Ariel band-aid, and the first bowl of guacamole had landed all over the floor. After much discussion about who would sit by who they were all settled into eat such large proportions that would have killed children their actually ages, except Tony. 

They talk about work, or school as they try to call it here. Tony, as he reluctantly tells, has a project on some large science term that only adult Bruce would understand. Clint proclaims he hates it. The other children say it was okay. “When are Aunt Jane and Uncle Thor coming?” Steve asks. Jane is the closest they have to a mother in this situation, lively, perky and understanding. Grown-up Tony has tried on many occasions to talk Pepper into becoming the mom but she just cannot see it. Thor did not know where he fit in with the family, not wanting to be a kid again, but he still wanted to be there and have his lady with him. “Tomorrow some time.” Grins and cheers break out and Steve wipes up the juice Clint spilled in his excitement. Phil smiles at all his kids as they chatter and prattle and he mops up salsa from the Bruce mouth with a napkin and then a kiss. 

After the dishes are in the dishwasher and the table is cleared they settle into the living room to watch a movie. They have been picking movies that are child friendly, mostly Disney animated, and that they insist that Steve watch. Lady and the Tramp was Natasha’s favorite, Darcy loved Mulan, Tony’s was Meet the Robinsons, Bruce had picked The Sword in the Stone, and they had watched Robin Hood so many times because Clint begged so hard. One night they had watched Snow White and Phil had teared up watching the Captains face while he watched something he recognized. Tonight they were watching Tarzan. Phil sat in the easy chair and Clint had tucked himself around his daddy, Darcy was perched on Steve’s lap while Natasha was tucked under his arm on the couch, Tony sat on the floor with Bruce’s head in his lap, because when he thought no one was looking Tony had a soft spot for the baby. By the end Phil was having a hard time paying attention to the movie, Clint is sucking on his fingers and doing magical, sinful, things with his tongue. 

Coulson doesn’t really like things to get too sexual when they play like this. Yes, they are all adults capable of making their own decisions about their sex lives and yes, they are all attracted to one another. But something just doesn’t feel right with Bruce going from sucking his thumb to sucking a cock or Darcy from dosing and slightly snoring to riding someone. He knows there’s a chance that things will probably happen anyways but he likes the idea that they really can just be simple and platonic. So Phil gently pulls his fingers from between Clint’s teeth and settles Clint on his feet so he himself can get all his kids to bed.

It’s at times like this Coulson wishes he was bigger and stronger because if he was he could be the one carrying Darcy to her pink princess bed and not Steve. Bruce could be in his arms and not clutching to his hand. It would be nice if there was that little something more connecting all them as parent and children. But there’s not. It doesn’t stop how sweet it sounds when Bruce is tucked under his comforter and whispers “good night Daddy” in the tiniest little voice. Or how Clint always begs for one more story. Or Darcy asking him to braid her hair. Or Natasha going to kiss him like he is the only person in the entire universe she trusts enough to just simply kiss. Or how Steve still flushes prettily when Coulson reminds him of how proud he is. Or how Tony will cling to his hand and beg him to stay until he falls asleep. 

 

In the middle of the night Phil wakes up to someone crawling into bed next to him. Clint. It makes sense, this is almost always his bed too. Coulson presses a kiss to the top of the other man’s head and tries to go back to sleep. “Clint…what are you doing?” He asks as he feels his sleep pants getting tugged down his legs. “We’ve been running around all week, and haven’t had any time alone together where a) I wasn’t too bandaged up or b) we were both awake long enough to do anything and its shit that you refuse for things to get sexy when we’re your kids. And I’m gonna die if I don’t get your cock in my mouth soon.” Clint responded and continued to shimmy Phil’s pants down. “You know, it used to turn you on when I called you Daddy.” Coulson sighed and lifted his legs up enough for Barton to get his pants all the way of and gasped a little at the cool air when Clint threw the blankets back and settled between his legs. “It still does…” Phil’s thought process wandered in a million different directions trying to find a way to phrase everything correctly, “It just… it means something different now that we all do this. I don’t want to be the creepy guy with daddy kink to all of these different people.”  
“You mean Steve.”  
“Yes… and everyone else too.”   
“So can I suck you, or are you afraid of your boyhood hero finding out?” Phil sat up a little bit in the bed and threaded his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair, pulling the way he knew he liked. “Why would I say no to that?”  
Clint smirked and swallowed him down. He knew everything the older man liked from years of experience that went way farther back then the family Phil had created for his team. Soon Phil was trying to stop himself from bucking up into Clint’s hot, wet mouth. “Cl-iii-nt!” he moaned trying to regain a regular enough breathing pattern to speak, knowing Clint would be waiting for command. “T-touch yourself.” Clint whimpered when he finally was able to tug down his boxers and stroke his cock, speeding up the pace of his mouth on Coulson. 

Phil started to sound out a ‘c’ word, not knowing if it was Clint or come or close but before he could finish he was filling Clint’s mouth, sticky and metallic. Barton’s eyes were dark with lust as Phil watched him swallow and down his load and as he eyes slid down Clint’s body to his leaking dick. In minutes Clint was coming on his own fingers, face contorted in bliss.

Once they were both cleaned up and redressed they tugged the blankets back up around them. Clint refused to go back to his separate bedroom. Phil didn’t mind in the least bit. “Hey Daddy?” Clint murmured after a few minutes of lazy, caressing kisses. “Hmm?”   
“Tell me story.” Coulson chuckled, “Alright. Once upon a time…”


	2. Chapter 2

Coulson woke up in the morning to someone crawling into bed with him. At first he thought it was Clint, coming back from using the bathroom or putting on a pot of coffee or any of the other normal morning things he did. Phil’s brain scrambled to figure out what day it is and if he has time to fuck Barton before work. Then he realized that the person wasn’t Clint. It was Steve. And memories from the day before and last night with Clint came flooding in, those last ones tinged with a tiny bit of guilt. 

Steve doesn’t need as much sleep as everybody else does. If Phil had been more than half awake he could have probably explained why that was in a very scientific manner. Steve had probably been awake for hours and was just now figuring that it wouldn’t be too much of an inconvenience to wake Phil-Daddy-up. Phil was right. “Good morning Daddy!” Steve said all bright and cheerily, leaning down to nuzzle against Coulson. The physically older man kissed him quickly and pats at Steve’s face and shoulders, still half asleep, the kiss being no more than a slide of lips against lips. 

A groan echoed from the other side of the bed as Clint registered the noise from the other two men. The grumbling continued as Coulson sat up a little bit and pulled Steve into his side and quietly asks him about how he slept and what he wanted for breakfast. Clint started mumbling to himself about how all he wanted was some fucking sleep and if some people weren’t so damn loud he could get some for Christ’s sake. Coulson knew that he shouldn’t let one, or any, of his baby boys use that kind of langue, much less take the Lord’s good name in vain, but Clint probably didn’t even remember that he was being baby Clint and regular grown up Clint who could have as much of a potty mouth as he wanted, thank you very much. So Phil let it slide. Just that once. He had other things to that morning than wash Barton’s mouth out with soap.

Clint was left in bed while Phil took Steve with him to help start breakfast. Steve had requested French toast and so that was what they were gonna have. Once a couple dozen slices of the bread were fried with all of goo-y egg-ness on them and some sausage, Steve was left in charge of pouring out everybody’s milk and orange juice while Coulson went to go get all of the other kids up.

Tony was first because he didn’t require any help getting dressed. The irritable moaning noises he made when being woken up though were actually rather impressive. Darcy was strangely one of the easier ones to be gotten up, she liked to pick out her own clothes and dress herself, just as long as Daddy approved. Today it was a light blue sundress with tiny yellow flowers on it. All that had to happen for Clint was pointing him the direction of clothes and then food. Natasha was the opposite of Darcy, she liked having Daddy come in and pick out her clothes for her and help her get dressed. One of the reasons Phil liked to get Darcy up first was he thought it looked so sweet when his two precious girls were dressed alike. At the very bottom of one of Natasha’s draws he found a blue t-shirt only a few shades darker than Darcy’s dress. Put with jeans and a yellow, Darcy or Steve would have called it “golden”, ribbon for her hair, Natasha and Darcy would make quite the pair. 

Phil had learned early on that Bruce was the most babyish in the mornings and while everybody else ran around it was a great time to get to take care of the scientist. Coulson walked into the dim room glad to see that his baby was still asleep, Bruce so rarely slept in for any reason. The bed just barley creaked under the weight of Phil settling down onto to scoop his baby onto his lap and gently wake him up. As Bruce started to stir, Phil stared at the ceiling. It was covered in glow-in-the-dark stars that had been carefully placed into actual constellations, slightly smushed together to fit as many onto the ceiling as possible. After finding Orion’s belt and the Big Dipper, which were as many constellations as Coulson knew, he found his own swirls and shapes and smiled down happily when he realized Bruce was looking up at him, watching. “Good morning darling.” Bruce didn’t respond just snuggled in closer and Phil was happy to just cuddle for a couple more minutes. 

Phil wiggles out from underneath Bruce and retrieves the diaper bag from the corner where they stashed it last time. The bag was decorated with pictures of Iron Man, a gift from Tony, from the bag came a pacifier, which Bruce very happily let himself suck on, and some wipes and a diaper. The diaper had taken a lot of time to get used to, for both of them. Clint had always been more into spankings than babying, and Bruce wasn’t used to people taking care of him, and someone seeing you naked after being the Hulk-the other guy-was a lot different from someone putting you in a diaper. Bruce ducked his head down against his chest while Phil wiped and diapered him and thinking that Bruce had never looked so adorable. Bruce wouldn’t actually use the diaper but it was just nice to feel underneath his loose pants. Comforting.

Walking out to breakfast Coulson knew that things were gonna be bad. Yelling. Some in Russian. Shit. No one was hurt, thank god. Tony’s head was down on the table, Steve was leaning exasperatedly against the counter, Darcy was perched on the counter away from, Lord have mercy, broken glass. In the middle of the kitchen apparently completely oblivious to the broken glass were Clint and Natasha. Bruce clutched tighter to his hand. He didn’t like yelling. “Let it go Nat, it’s just a cup! We have like another dozen just like it!” Natasha huffed air through her nose. Phil could not understand these two, they were best friends, why did they fight all the time. Air huffing was a sign that Natasha was about to hurt someone, first the yelling, then the yelling in Russian, then the huffing, then the physical violence. Darcy’s eyes widened as she caught sight of their Daddy standing in the doorway. She had hoped that they could clean up the mess before he found out anything had happened. Nothing ruined a good day like someone getting in trouble.   
“Tony,” Phil voice was low, “Will you please take Bruce?” Tony hopped right up and took Bruce over to the table and sat with the other man between his legs, playing with his still slightly sleep rumpled hair. In a much louder voice Phil addressed the room, “Would someone like to tell me what happened here?” Natasha whipped around and crossed her arms and Clint immediately began to pipe up with side of the story. Coulson held up a hand to stop him. “Steve?”   
“Well, Clint and Darcy were helping bring all the cups to the table, and Clint was acting like he was in a really big hurry and bumped into Natasha when she came in and the glass fell from his hand and broke. So I scooped Darcy up so she wouldn’t step on any of the broken glass with her bare feet and the two of them,” Steve stopped and gestured towards Natasha and Clint, “they started going at it.” Coulson sighed, this was how their fights always got started, with something small and honestly a little stupid. Natasha was always thinking that Clint needed to be more careful and Clint was always thinking that Natasha shouldn’t hold onto things as long as she did. Coulson knew Clint had probably said something along those lines and Tasha had snapped remembering all the stuff from her past she had to let go of. That would be about the time the yelling in Russian had kicked in. 

Coulson rubbed his forehead for a minute before sighing, “Clint, you really need to learn to be more careful. I know hurrying seems to make the job go faster but not necessarily, like right now, you just caused more work for someone else. And Natasha, I hate to say this darling because I know you are only doing what you think would be helpful, and I thank you for trying, but it isn’t up to you to try and lecture Clint. That’s my job.” He looked back and forth between the two of them to make sure they looked appropriately abashed, and they did, sorta, for a spy and well Clint, “I am very disappointed in both of you for regressing to yelling at each other, there are better ways to communicate how you are feeling then yelling.”   
“I’m sorry, Daddy.” Natasha quietly said, head hanging down. “Yeah me too.” Clint chimed in. “Well I am glad that you two are sorry. But you need to apologies to each other. And Clint you need to say sorry to Steve for making a mess of his nice breakfast. Then you guys need to get out of the way so I can clean up this glass. The two said their apologies, or mumbled in Clint’s case.

Breakfast was delicious, slightly cold now, but good. Darcy slid over to Steve and he dutifully cut her French toast for her. Making the pieces tiny and child sized. “You’d do anything for her, wouldn’t you Steve?” Phil lightly teased knowing of Steve’s crush on the girl. Steve blushed scarlet, “Yes of course.”  
Natasha glared at him from across the table, she and Darcy weren’t together, really, not officially or anything. The want was there from both sides, but Darcy wasn’t sure if she wanted to actually get into a stable relationship just yet and Natasha wasn’t sure if she wanted to put someone in the situation to not know where she was or if she was going to come home alive. Natasha’s life wasn’t tidy, it didn’t fit into a neat little box, she wasn’t completely sure it was a good idea to make someone a part of her life who wasn’t used to how a SHEILD agent’s life worked. That was why Barton had worked for her. He knew her life was messy because his was the same. Darcy was a civilian, a young, gorges political student who had been thrust into this life of spies and heroes, of monsters and magic.

In all honesty, Natasha was jealous of Steve. He would be great for Darcy. Pretty and bad-ass. And those sad puppy dog eyes would melt anyone’s heart. Plus, Steve was lonely. He missed everyone he had known before the crash and put a lot of attention on people who reminded him of his friends. Fury was his new Colonel Philips, Tony for all the reasons he was like Howard, and a little bit like Bucky, Clint definitely for the ways he was like Bucky, Dr. Erskine he saw in Bruce, Steve always wanted to see himself, and now and then he saw flashes, but Bruce was more like his Doctor, Phil when he wasn’t being Captain America fanboy Phil he was a lot like Dum Dum, a leader but willing to sit back and let someone else command, Thor was a combination of all the commandoes, a warrior but knew who had to have fun, Natasha assumed he saw Peggy in her, not narcissistically but he hadn’t really met in anyone since the crash much less girls. But the way he looked at Darcy was like she was a shining light of all the good things that were in this new world of his. It would be incredibly easy for Darcy to fall for him and not her. And Natasha couldn’t even find it in herself to hate him for that.

After breakfast for what was Coulson assumed was not the last time that day, he thanked all the gods he knew for Stark’s creepishly smart brain who had invented creepishly smart household appliance that could brew Bruce tea in just under a minute and a dishwasher that could perfectly clean the dishes without having to rinse them first. That was what he was specifically thankful for this time. He didn’t have to waste his precious time with his family cleaning dishes.

Thor was notoriously slow getting out the door in the morning and Jane wasn’t much better so Phil knew it would be awhile before they showed up. “You guys want to play a game?” If he let Natasha or Clint or any one of the kids really, pick the game it would’ve been poker, which would have ended up being strip poker, much to Steve’s and Bruce’s dismay. So before the idea could even be suggested, Phil pulled out Candyland, a very child appropriate game.  
Bruce didn’t play, opting instead to sit in Phil’s lap and suck his thumb while Phil monitored the game. Tony didn’t play either, instead he sat and tapped around on his tablet, Coulson assumed once again solving the worlds clean energy crisis, while managing to perfectly play the part of the snarky teenager all the while. The story on the inside of the box was softly read by Natasha as the game started up and everyone maneuvered their little brightly colored gingerbread men through the Candy Cane Forrest and past Lord Licorice’s Castle. Clint was winning which wasn’t surprising because all you do is draw a card with a colored square on it. Then Phil started to notice something, that small sleight of hand trick that had proven oh so useful on missions, that one small flick of the wrist that made things disappear. Like cards, for instance. Darcy was getting pissed, whenever she got anywhere near Clint’s green gingerbread man suddenly he’d jump as many spaces as possible forwards. Steve and Natasha didn’t seem to be noticing, discussing who was prettier Princess Lolly or Queen Frostine. The queen won the argument but Natasha said Lolly would be more fun in bed which made Steve laugh. The laugh was deep and lighthearted and distracted Phil a little bit as he watched to see if he could actually catch Clint in the act of cheating. The cards were being deposited in the pocket of Clint’s Batman hoodie. “Clint, come here please.” Natasha knowing that tone of voice pulled Bruce over in-between Steve and herself. “Yes Daddy?” Clint grinned, either oblivious or ignoring the fact that he was about to get in trouble. Sticking a hand in the offensive pocket, Coulson pulled out a stack of cards, “Would you like to explain how those got there?” Clint paled. 

“I’m sorry Daddy! I’m so, so, so sorry!” Phil raised an eyebrow, “I won’t do it again Daddy! Please don’t spank me?”   
“If you didn’t want a spanking you shouldn’t have cheated. Now, either you don’t give me any problems and we can go and give you your spanking in private or if you throw a fit I will spank you right here in front of everyone.” Clint whimpered, “But I don’t want a spanking! No, Daddy!” He reached out to fight against Phil and the older man drew him in closer. “No, Clinton, we do not hit Daddy,” he pulled Clint’s hands into his own, “This is your last chance darling, we can still go and redden your naughty bottom in private.”   
“Noooooooo! I don’t want a spankin’!” Phil nodded and unbuttoned Clint’s jeans, pulling them and his underwear down to his knees. Clint whimpered as he was bent over Coulson’s knee. The spanking started almost immediately, the slaps raining down on Clint’s bottom, staining it red from the small of his back to the top of his thighs. After ten spanks, Phil stopped, ignoring the feeling of Clint’s erection against thigh and rubbed small circles into the boy’s back waiting to feel his breathing slow down. “Why did you get this spanking Clintion?”  
“Because you’re mean.” Phil gave him another smack. “Because-cause I was bad, I stole cards and ch-cheated.”   
“Mhm, that’s right. You need to apologies to Steve, Natasha and Darcy for ruining their game. And then you are going to come back and sit with me, until Uncle Thor and Aunt Jane get here.” Phil helped right him and put his jeans back on before turning him to face the other children. Bruce’s face was buried in Steve’s stomach, while Steve held him close and whispered stuff in his ear. Bruce hated spankings, he never got them himself, and in this he was too young Coulson thought and even if he wasn’t it would never happen. Bruce needed this family to be everything to him his hadn’t been, loving and not abusive. Darcy got spankings occasionally when she acted out and Steve had gotten one once. Phil’s arm had gotten tired before Steve’s skin had even started to pinken. Tony usually just got his tech stuff taken away and Natasha was sent to her room because all of her offensives were so mild that a spanking or getting stuff taken away seemed too server. But Bruce, never ever got spanked even when he acted up, which did occasionally happen.   
“I-I’m sorry I ruined your game.” Clint whimpered when his apology was finished. “Thank you for apologizing.” Steve said. “We forgive you.” Natasha added. Darcy, Natasha and   
Steve finished the game where Darcy and her yellow gingerbread man won. Clint glared down at them on the floor from his perch beside Coulson on the couch. 

As the game was being put away the doorbell rang and Phil allowed Clint to go bounding to the door and answer it. “Uncle Thor, Aunt Jane! You made it!”  
“Indeed we did young hawk. It is pleasant seeing you this fine morning.” When Thor had first been presented with the idea of this family he had been confused, he didn’t understand his teammates’ need to have a different childhood. He had loved his childhood, it had been great. Mournfully he had once told Phil that maybe it would serve Loki well to have something like this in his life. Thor loved this family, even if he couldn’t completely understand it, he loved his team, and he loved when they were all together. It was like having the warriors three with Bruce and Clint and Steve and Sif with Natasha and his happy brother Loki with Tony. He never ever mentioned that part however. It would be insulting. And Thor found no reason to insult Master Stark. Especially today as Tony ran for his hug. Child Tony was Thor’s favorite because of all the ways he was like a young and happy Loki.

“Greetings Tony and all!” Thor boomed and grinned at Jane who held a squirming Darcy in her arms. Phil shook hands with the other two adults and ushered them to the living room, offering them snacks or drinks or any kind of refreshment. “Poptarts!” Thor boomed again. “Coffee, please,” Jane mumbled clearly already needing the caffeine. Tony scrambled to get the Poptarts and Natasha started the coffee. Most of the kids wandered off getting bored with the adults talking about science and SHEILD business. Steve stuck around to listen and Tony stayed to beg coffee off of Thor because Phil said it wasn’t good for growing children and wouldn’t give him any. Every time he heard Tony quietly wheedle sips away from Thor, Steve would stiffen. Sure it was just coffee but it could snowball and become worse and more against the rules. And either their daddy wasn’t seeing that Tony was going around that no coffee rule or was ignoring it. Either way Steve knew, because he had been told and not just because he was being a pretentious prick, that Daddy expected him to help keep the others in line. He didn’t want to say anything yet. He didn’t want to cause a stir. One of the kids getting in trouble that morning was enough. 

After what seemed like an eternity to most of the kids, Coulson stood up and to everybody to ask what they wanted to do with the rest of their day. There were always dangers when the group, which contained all the members of a team who had destroyed much of New York City but had saved the rest of the world, went out of the Tower which was where their nice little home was located. The team was recognizable, even in street clothes. People wanted to talk to them. To be a fan. And they had that right as far as Coulson was concerned. But seeing all six of the Avengers always caused a stir and sometimes you just didn’t want to have to deal with a stir. So anything in a really populated area was out for today’s activities. One time Phil had tried to take everyone to the Met and it had almost caused a riot. They would need something low key if the wanted to go out today.

No one had any real ideas of what they wanted to do, so Phil decided to go with the plan he just hadn’t found the time to do before. The plan was to get everyone together and drive around Steve’s old neighborhood. Everyone jabbered in large car that Happy had agreed to drive for them. They all told stories and made jokes. “Why didn’t Oedipus like to use foul langue?” Darcy began, Jane chuckled already knowing the punch line and Steve blushed just guessing. “Why?” asked Clint. “Because he kisses his mother with that mouth!” Darcy shrieked with laughter while everyone else laughed with what was apparently not enough gusto, “Oh come on guy, that’s hilarious!”

The mood changed from lighthearted to somber when Steve declared that they were officially in his old neighborhood. He pointed out all the place he had gotten beaten up, the antique store where Howard and Erskine’s laboratory had been, and where nice places to draw and to just think were. Nobody wanted to mention that fact that he was crying. He showed them the ally where his first kiss had taken place. “There was this girl, Amy, when I was sixteen, she was so pretty and I a part of me thought I had a shot with her. Anyways, I asked her if she wanted to go get a soda with me and she said yes and I bought her coke and we laughed and talked for about an hour. Everything was going really well up until the end where I went to kiss her but she pulled away and spluttered ‘gosh, Steve! No, I mean, you’re you!” So I ran off and hid in that ally till Bucky came and found me. I told him my little sob story. I would be the only boy left at school who hadn’t been kissed, even Robby, who was this kid who was as scrawny as I was had gotten kissed by little Susie Winkle the previous week. Then Bucky kissed me. Said I’d been kissed now so I needed to stop acting like such a little bitch. I told anyone who asked that yeah it had been Amy who had kissed me. That made her so upset, up until the serum that is, because after that she never denied that she had been my first kiss. I think she even got an interview in the newspaper or something.” Steve punctuated the end of his story with a shrug. 

They drove around a little while longer until they were far outside the city limits. They stopped at a small diner for lunch, crowding into it. They stayed there for a while, everyone talking, smiling, laughing, and coloring with the crayons Jane produced from her well stocked purse. Steve drove the most beautiful picture of all them sitting around the table, Tony drew a blueprint for a new suit idea he was working on, Coulson shot him a look for always working that Steve did not miss, Bruce covered his paper in stars and swirls that reminded Phil of that morning, Darcy drew dresses, Natasha would draw something then scratch it out then write something down in Russian, Phil knew better than to ask about it, Clint drew arrows.

After a few too many pointed looks from the staff at the restaurant they got up to leave, giving all of the pictures to Jane, knowing she would keep them, they would probably end up on her fridge. The ride back to the tower was quiet and when they got there Jane and Thor left to go back to their own home, Tony whined at them not to leave. Everyone settled down comfortably and half dozed, fully enjoying their day of nothing, of family. When the rumbling of stomachs became too obvious, Phil made grilled cheese, which he allowed to be eaten in the living room. Tony put a fuss when asked to help clean the kitchen and then dragged his feet when he finally agreed to do it.

It was time to turn in not long after that. And for the second time that day, Phil thanked all the gods he could think of that Tony thought of everything when building them a home so that there was a bathtub big enough that he can plop all three of his youngest children in for a bath with enough room for three adult sized humans to sill have enough room to squirm around in. Phil twisted Darcy’s hair up into a bun so he wouldn’t have to deal with washing it. Clint and Bruce’s hair was easy, but the piles of Darcy’s honestly intimidated him. Darcy likes to help get everybody soapy and clean, that usually included Coulson as well because of all the splashes that headed his way. She was energetic and eager in a purely innocent way, with her hands flying everywhere. Clint joined in with her, rubber ducks and other bath toys sloshing everywhere. Phil didn’t blame Bruce in the least when he tried to hide his half erection under a toy boat, from all of Darcy and her roaming fingers. And while he was gay, Coulson wasn’t blind, she was gorgeous, Bruce was lucky he was able to hide himself at all.

Eventually, Phil had to assume that everyone was clean or clean enough from all the wallowing, and pulled out the kids, dried them off and told them they all could sleep in his bed with him. Natasha was already on the bed in the spot she had long ago obtained from when she would have nightmares and come in climb in bed with Clint. Phil wasn’t even surprised anymore when he would roll over in the morning and see her instead of Clint. Clint crawled up the bed and let her spoon up behind him, Darcy snuggled into her other side. Bruce claimed the spot on the side of their Daddy, while Phil absently wondered where Tony and Steve had gotten too. Everyone fell asleep quickly as Phil whispered sung the Russian lullabies Natasha had taught him years ago

*~*~*  
Tony and Steve were in Tony’s room. “Even though Daddy didn’t say anything, it doesn’t mean you just get to act up, Tony!”  
“Let the act go, Rogers, ‘daddy’ is in bed! And I’m older! Remember?”  
“Then you better damn well act like it!”  
“Oh who’s being the bad little boy now? You know how much Agent hates foul langue.” Steve rubbed a hand over his face, Tony could be such a brat. Sometimes Steve thought Phil let Tony act out just so he wouldn’t do anything and just let Steve handle it. Sometimes Tony acted up so Phil wouldn’t do anything and just let Steve handle it. “Tony…”

“Yeah, yeah, I know the drill.” Tony stripped off his pants and underwear, flinging them god knows where. Already he was telling himself to relax, it would hurt less if he just relaxed. Steve sat down on the bed and pulled Tony over his knee, going a lot harder than Daddy had done on Clint earlier. When he was done and Tony was sobbing, Steve ran a finger down the other man’s hot, red crack, pressing lightly at his hole. Try as he might, Tony could not help bucking up against Steve’s finger. Steve made a tsk noise and removed his finger. “Spangles, this little game we play, where you almost fuck me? It’s getting old.” Another sob hiccupped out as Steve spanked his already deep red ass. “Go. Get. Me. Some. Lube.” Steve managed to grit out.   
He never understood why making a sassy Tony whimper and beg under his punishing hand, made him so damn hard. And Tony noticed apparently from the smirk he had on his face as he went to go complete his orders. When came he came back from finding the lube and a condom, being a little proactive never hurt, Steve flipped onto the bed, lying on his stomach. The lube made a little farting noise as it squirted out of the bottle that Tony couldn’t help but laugh at. That was the only warning he got before Steve thrust a finger inside of his tight hole. Steve stretched him without saying a word, it made Tony antsy. Steve pulled his fingers out rubbed his own cock for a moment, considering fucking his hand until he came all over Tony’s back then leaving him like that, stretched out just waiting for a cock, hard and covered in come. It was very pretty to imagine and maybe another night he’d try it.

Tony whimpered as he felt the head of Steve’s latex covered dick press into him, going slowly. It felt so good to be full but Steve was pressing him down onto the bed and he couldn’t get a hand around his aching cock. Then Steve started talking. “You’re such a slut for this Tony. You look absolutely perfect stuffed up with my cock. And you know what? One of these days I won’t wear a rubber and I’ll come in your beautiful ass and plug you up, so you have to keep it inside. Maybe one day I’ll even put my collar on you. I remember how you looked when you saw Clint wearing Phil’s. Maybe if you had one of those you wouldn’t be such a bitch all the time. Would you like that? If I made you into a good little puppy?”   
Steve didn’t know what possessed him to grunt and groan all of those dirty things out. He never talked like this. He had thought about them a lot, how good Tony would look in his collar, always being such a good little bitch, stuffed full of come, a cock ring on, only being allowed to come when given an express order. Steve was gone, fucking into Tony with wild abandon, while Tony writhed underneath him. “You’re” Steve huffed out “perfect like this. My perfect. Little. Slut.” With that Tony came to the feeling of Steve’s dirty words, his cock pushing in and out of him and the friction of the bed spread rubbing against his own cock. The feeling of Tony tightening around him pushed Steve far over the edge.

*~*~*  
The next morning the bed dipped to allow Steve and Tony onto it. Phil smiled at his family, his beautiful children, and the home they had made together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that’s done. I personally ship Tony and Bruce a lot more than I ship Tony and Steve, but for this story I thought it worked a lot better. For some reason the tenses changed from the last chapter to this one and I’m very sorry for that. As for the title, I am also sorry about that, the title started the whole story and then Jane ended up pretty normal. I hope you all enjoyed reading this.

**Author's Note:**

> So okay. I took some liberties. Like yeah Natasha would never actually accidently cut herself with a knife. And who knows what happened with the whole Pepper/Tony thing. Maybe God does. And yeah there are some assumed relationships in my head when I wrote this. Phil and Clint had been dating for years with a lot of Dom/sub elements. (Coulson tops. If you do not agree you are wrong.) Natasha and Darcy are sorta together because they are perfect. Steve and Tony, a little or maybe Bruce and Tony, either way someone is alone and that’s sad. So you know maybe they have threesomes sometimes. That could be fun. So yeah. Sorry for my ramblings. Please I need feedback. And a beta reader, if anyone is interested. It’s really awkward for your sister to beta read the porn you wrote. Please someone save me. I am a terrible human and I have no idea when more will be written. I know at least another chapter with Tony/Steve porn and maybe (maybe, no promises) Thor/Jane. Again, sorry for my ramblings.


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